“What did I do wrong? How can I fix this?”
Have you ever asked yourself these questions? I have; more times than I can count. One of the major experiences in my life that inspired me to ask took place a couple of months after I graduated from college in 2001. I was unemployed in spite of determinedly applying for positions in my field of study at first, and then in panic applying for whatever job I saw advertised in the local newspaper and on-site. I felt like I’d taken a wrong step somewhere when bills became delinquent, car was repossessed, and my lifestyle drastically changed.
“What did I do wrong? How can I fix this?” I cried out in frustration.
Because of my upbringing, I thought I’d done something wrong and I was being punished for it. In my opinion, the punishment was harsher than the crime, since I was unaware of what I’d done. A part of me was ready to throw in the towel, wave a white flag, surrender, and call GAME! I felt like the biggest Loser who didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it. My desire to operate at peak performance grew utterly pissed off with me. I was proving to be useless in the problem solving department of my life.
It took some time for me to grasp the fact that I had done nothing wrong to cause the predicament I saw myself to be in. Perception of myself relative to life and what was expected of me held me in experience that I disliked. Stepping back away from the situation helped. I was able to release the judgments I held about the experience of unemployment and the loss of material possessions, and the outer presentation they created. I accepted the body weight and hair I lost in response to stress over the way my life looked and felt.
In 2002, not only was I unemployed but many people were and believed they were unable to possess much of the things they needed and desired. As time has rolled us into 2013 many more people have experienced abrupt life changes and financial limitations. Some of them point the blame finger at themselves, while others support belief in an economic recession that has stimulated a collapse in financial stability. No matter the underlying cause, unemployment is viewed by almost all individuals in Western culture as something to be avoided and quickly changed when presented. “Something’s wrong with me,” started chanting in my mind when I realized I was unemployed and hadn’t been able to change it, quickly.
I am thankful I realized right and wrong as opinions that either I use, or other people use, to label experiences. I understood. I finally got it. The only thing I was able to control was the way I felt while in the present of an experience. Feeling like I done something wrong added to the poor thoughts and emotions I already had about the way events had unfolded after graduation. I couldn’t control whether a potential employer hired me, or the economy and the role it played in the satire of my life.
People are people and they are going to think and feel whatever they will. There was absolutely NOTHING, no-thing, I could do to control that. Some of the people I knew who was acquainted with me when I was carefree and in full enjoyment of college life would wonder where I went wrong (because that’s how many humans’ minds work. When someone loses material possessions, nice material possessions, and is threatened with homelessness it is automatic. What happened is almost an involuntary response.)
Worrying about the looks of my situation and possible responses from others held me in emotions that felt awful, like torture. I had control over whether I chose to sit in an awful feeling place, or like a cat who is no longer interested, stand and leave. I could choose my next step according to where I preferred to be or let it be chosen by fearful attempts to escape a nightmare. The majority of the uncomfortable dream consisted of thoughts and feelings in response to the opinions of others.
All life is lived in the present moment. Many people, without realizing they are doing it, stand in the present focused backwards, in past events, on uncomfortable experiences and emotions. Many present moments are spent gazing towards an outward, separate future. What has yet happened is felt and believed to have greater potential than now to offer desired experience. This happens when we fail to view life as it is in the present as capable of being the experience of desire. Relief is an emotional shift that takes place in the present moment of satisfying reasons to do so. A choice to feel relief is reason enough to produce desired change.
Present emotions and experiences are connected in the same way as creator and created. They reflect each other. They are each other and both have unlimited potential because of each other. Almost involuntarily, the instance life is observed in that way, emotions and experiences shift. When desires rather than fears are focused upon they drive the engine of pleasant living.
Back to the questions:
“What did I do wrong? How can I fix it?”
There are countless ways to answer. I am going to attempt two. The first answer in short, you didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t fix it. All you can do is accept what has happened and move forward in a pleasing direction.
The second answer, you did nothing wrong. There is no need to fix anything because nothing is wrong. Your life displays your emotions and life expectations in the form of experiences. This is mostly information, not a poor score on a life test. The information conveys intricate, detailed information about what you are choosing to believe and what you desire to experience. In this way, informative unpleasant experiences are tools that can be used to fine tune life experience.
I like knowing I was torturing myself with judgments and fears about unemployment. Judgments and fears about my value and intellect were neutralized and in those moments I felt relief. I felt capable, alive, and inspired. Moments when I leaned back into judgments and fears started to look and feel familiar. Slowly but surely, I continued to revisit relieving emotions; feelings of capability, aliveness, and inspiration. Eventually, moments of this nature became familiar. I’m no longer asking what I did wrong and how can I fix it when I encounter an uncomfortable experience. I can focus on what is comfortable in the moment, if only the profound knowing that I am capable, alive, and an inspiration.
If you have ever asked yourself the questions I proposed at the beginning of this interaction I wish you experience of the whole truth of yourself and your life. Life is awesome and fulfilling when it is lived as it is without worry or fear. Only then can one ride the vibratory wave of potential. Kreative Inspirations offers inspiration and motivation through an image slideshow containing positive messages, poetry, video, and an audio series (coming soon). Share your amazing life story that has potential to inspire and motivate others at
http://dreamchild78.wix.com/agreateryouawaits/ Live truthfully, live in full expression of truth of all there is.
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